There are just so many things in my life right now that i dont understand.  My family is completely fucked up, school just gets in the way, all work is to me right now it making money.  On top of all that i just had to make the hardest choice of my life yesterday...... i had to grit my teeth and let go the one thing in my life that made me happy.  This wasnt even a matter if i wanted to or not.  I had to because my family is moving.  Now there is nothing that can make me happy.  There is nothing in my life that makes me want to keep going, but i have to.  All i want to do is crawl into a hole and never come out.  I had to let go the one thing that meant the most to me, the one thing that made me happy.  Now i am empty, i am not the same person with the other half of me missing.  I just pray that some way we dont move, and i am going to do everything in my power to try and stay.  I havent given up yet, but for now i must fight alone, in the hopes that someday i will be with the one i love.

I am pretty much the happiest person alive right now............. i have an amazing boyfriend............ i dont work too much.................. and i have spent some amazing times with my friends..............  but most of all i love my boyfriend. He has made things so much easier for me this past month.  I dont know where i would be right now if i wasnt with him!

Right now i am just really confused about a lot of things......... school is finally over but, work is a living hell....... there are ppl i thought i could trust that i cant anymore....... and the people i thought i could talk to about anything (well i guess when they say anything...... they dont really mean anything).  The only ppl that are keeping me in good shape are my friends Amanda and TJ.  I just want things to go back to the way they were but in order to that there needs to be change, but i have a bad feeling it is too late.

so right now i pretty much have the biggest head ache of my life and it wont go away. and i am very bored but i should be doing my homework, but i cant really read with this f-ing head ache.  Last night was the worst, i dont think i have been so pissed off in my entire life.  but i wont spread the story because i wont sink down to anyones level, i am better than that....... but seriously i was ready to beat some heads in.  but besides that, volleyball is over so i have been having so much fun just doing nothing.  Who knew that being bored could be fun?  And to top it all off i have the BEST boyfriend anyone could ever wish for.  He knows exactly what to say to make me feel better.  I love you chris!!!